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Raxxon Pharmaceuticals Has Everything Under Control

In a time of increasing crisis, Raxxon Pharmaceuticals is the steady hand ensuring the health and flourishing of civilization. Raxxon Pharmaceuticals has partnered with nations around the world to provide resources needed to confront recent threats. With the support of local volunteer teams, Raxxon ensures security and safety for all.

Updates from Raxxon

Security Level: white
Posted July 13

As our global community deals with the current difficult situation, some whose role is to HELP this crisis are instead DEFAMING the name of our heroes, our knights in shining armor, the ones we should all be admiring - yes, that's right, celebrities.

In particular, those who have signed contracts for promoting Raxxon's Zomoxtrin should NOT be considered part of the problem. How else can Raxxon get the world out about safety when our most high-profile people are being slandered?

As an example, here is a recent excerpt of a report blaming members of the Zomoxtrin family:

It all came crashing down when the spokesperson I allowed to leave was seen PROMOTING the Raxxon cure!  Still in the city, and encouraging people to stay!  The irony is that the spokesperson was none other than Colby Dauch - the Founder of Plaid Hat Games - a company I had grown to admire.  The nerve of that guy - and to be honest, he didn't look so handsome as some have claimed - perhaps Raxxon has been giving him injections as compensation?

In order to provide complete transparency, we have lifted the security clearance on this report, and have made it open and available for all to view. It's clear to us that publishing these documents will make our innocence apparent.

Security Level: white
Posted June 21

ALERT: Although the recent outbreak - which is completely under control and not an imminent threat - can be contracted by anyone, those whose immune systems are in a weakened state are especially susceptible to contracting the virus. Those who are sick with the flu or a cold should report to Raxxon Pharmaceuticals for complimentary perscriptions to Zomoxtrin.

Although Zomoxtrin is not related to the virus and was not engineered specifically to combat it, the general health benefits Zomoxtrin provides are helpful to those susceptible to the virus.

Although the virus is indeed under control, those who are susceptible should immediatley report to Raxxon.

Security Level: white
Posted June 18

In preparation for any potential fallout from the speculated outbreak, Raxxon Pharmaceuticals has moved to shore up stock prices by hiring famed CDC official KD James as a consultant.

Investors can be assured that while it is unlikely that any infections have anything to do with Raxxon Pharmaceuticals or Zomoxtrin, Raxxon is taking proactive steps by partnering with KD James in analyzing potential ways to stop potential outbreaks from spreading.

KD James has released the following statement: "Although I have not yet been able to see all the evidence, the certified letters and documents Raxxon has showed me makes it clear that Zomoxtrin is not responsible for any recent outbreaks. We'll continue to investigate this thoroughly, but for the moment I am pleased with Raxxon's cooperation and resources."

Raxxon and the CDC will continue to work together for the good of humanity.

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